Ayers Christian Marriage

A Comprehensive Introduction
1. Auflage 2019
ISBN: 978-1-68359-255-6
Verlag: Lexham Press
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, 400 Seiten

Why should we care about marriage? There is a lot of confusion about the purpose of marriage todayâ?'outside the church as well as within it. Written by a distinguished Christian sociologist, Christian Marriage is a theologically rich, biblically robust, and sociologically informed treatise on the nature and value of marriage. Drawing on recent social science research, empirical data, and social history, Ayers paints a picture of marriage as an institution meant for human flourishing. Along the way, Ayers addresses such topics as Dating and selection of a spouse The importance of premarital counseling Sex and procreation Mentoring and supporting unmarried believers Divorce and remarriage And current controversies surrounding premarital sex and same-sex marriage. Though the book is academically and theologically informed, it is written with a pastoral heart. It seeks to provide a rich resource for pastors and counselors on a topic of supreme importance to a vibrant church and society.

David J. Ayers is professor of sociology and dean of the Alva J. Calderwood School of Arts and Letters at Grove City College, Pennsylvania. He holds his PhD in Sociology from New York University and has written two books, Experiencing Social Research (2001) and Investigating Social Problems (2004), as well as numerous articles and book chapters. He has taught courses on marriage and family for about thirty years.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Ayers, David

Leseproben

INTRODUCTION

A PRICELESS JEWEL IN A PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER

A man shall leave his mother, and a woman leave her home. They shall travel on to where the two shall be as one. As it was in the beginning, is now until the end, woman draws her life from man and gives it back again. And there is love.

Paul Stookey1

The human race began as mere earth, as simple dust. Yes, it was good, clean, honest dirt, but still, just common clay. Yet God shaped that soil with his own hands and breathed life into it from his mouth (Gen 2:7). He then made the amazing declaration that, among all the wonderful creations that he had brought forth in that week of all weeks, this creature, made from dust, had the preeminence. Male and female he created them, invested with power, carrying the future in their loins, alone his image bearers in the dazzling splendor and glory of that world (Gen 1:26–27).

Millennia later the apostle Paul, after having already reminded the Corinthians of these humble beginnings of the human race (1 Cor 15:47), went on to tell them that they too were plain “jars of clay” (2 Cor 4:7). You are earthen vessels, he reminded them, perhaps comely in shape, but still dust that will return to dust (see Gen 3:19; Eccl 3:20; 12:7; Ps 103:14). Yet by the grace and wisdom of God, they were now pottery specially loved and filled with magnificent treasure of exquisite beauty and incredible power. They displayed the “light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God … [and] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Cor 4:4, 6), destined to reign with Christ (2 Tim 2:12).

Marriage is like that. In its outward appearance, it is deceptively ordinary and simple. Just a man and a woman joined in lifelong sexual union, serving God together, loving and helping each other, laboring together, through good times and bad, as long as both live. Yet God personally and painstakingly created that structure and essence from the very beginning, so that male and female united that way are necessary for, and a gorgeous adornment over, all of his creation; generating, sustaining, and ordering human society.

Marriages in which God himself is both matchmaker and minister bookend the Bible (Gen 2:18–24; Rev 19:9; 21:2–3). Jesus used a Jewish wedding as the occasion to perform his first miracle (John 2:1–11). The simple vessel of covenant marriage, created before Adam’s fall led to our need for redemption, reveals and symbolizes to us the mysteries of the gospel and of Christ’s relationship with his covenant people (Eph 5:32). Both Isaiah (54:5–6) and Hosea (2:16–20) described the redemptive relationship of God to his people as like a husband to his wife, pointing forward to Christ. Clearly marriage, especially Christian marriage, is a “canvas upon which the Holy Spirit of God paints the gospel.”2 Like a geode—on the outside nothing more than a potato-like stone—inside God has filled marriage with mystery and wonder.

Moreover, Scripture tells us that the simple blessings of godly marriage are among the richest gifts we can receive from God, more than money, fame, or power. David describes God’s reward for the man who fears the Lord: “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table” (Ps 128:3). In one of the most gorgeous passages in Ecclesiastes (9:9), we find this heartfelt recommendation: “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.”

Given all that Scripture teaches about God’s view of marriage and its centrality in creation, no one should claim to have an exalted view of God who holds marriage—his own or marriage in general—in low esteem. Unfortunately, throughout human history, people, including the chosen people of God, have not treated marriage with the respect, dignity, status, and deference it deserves and that God expects. In the Scriptures, it is true that we can delight in the beautiful love story of Isaac and Rebekah (Gen 24) but that is after witnessing the sordid, alcohol-soaked degradation of Isaac’s first cousin, Lot (Gen 19:30–38). Yes, we see Ruth the Moabite redeemed to be wife to the godly man Boaz (Ruth 3:1–4:13) but then we witness the tragedy of their great-grandson David luridly violating his own marital vows while stealing the wife of one of his most loyal warriors. In the Old Testament, the records of failure seem to outnumber those of marital loyalty and love.

Certainly, history records many high and low points in terms of fidelity to God’s teachings about marriage. The American church today seems to have mired itself in another “Malachi moment.” As in the days of that prophet (2:14–16), our treatment of the covenant of marriage and all it is meant to be and do has dishonored God, harmed and failed his people, and weakened our witness to the non-Christian world. We see epidemic rates of divorce, premarital sex, and out-of-wedlock birth not only in our larger culture, but also in the churches. Domestic violence, sexually transmitted diseases, abortion, adultery, lack of charity, interpersonal alienation, bitter conflict, and pornography addictions are far more common in our marriages than we care to admit or see. We are now even beginning to see professed Bible-believing evangelical laypeople and leaders celebrating and defending men leaving their wives and children in order to pursue a gay lifestyle.3 How far downstream is that from a major Christian leader like Pat Robertson declaring that it is acceptable for men to divorce their Alzheimer-afflicted wives, provided they ensure their long-term care?4

It is obvious to even the casual observer that the knowledge and practice of biblical marital principles are not healthy in our culture or churches. The following chapters will document these sad realities, alongside scriptural teaching and example. I will do so using sound social-scientific research. My purpose in doing so is not to jab fingers in anyone’s eyes, thump my chest, or condemn or shame anyone. I have been a human, a husband, and a parent too long to want to risk casting stones. Every one of us, even in our best moments, is a chief of sinners helping our fellow sinners as best as we have the energy and light to do. Rather, my aim is to do honest reflection leading to sound diagnosis, constructive solutions, and lasting change. Yes, we must sometimes probe unseemly realities and render disturbing diagnoses—but to cure, not to kill.

And yet today and throughout the history of the Christian church there have been inspiring marriages bearing lovely fruit supported by wise and caring friends, families, and churches. Moreover, in every successful marriage there will be failure and repentance. In marriage as in so many other areas, we have in history and today a “cloud of witnesses” (Heb 12:1) to inspire, instruct, encourage, and guide us. So what do we see when we examine what builds sound marriages and churches that faithfully nurture and support them? We inevitably find that most of those successful practices are not new or mysterious. The rudiments of good marriage are ordinary and commonplace.

The constructive practices I discuss in this book have to do with how we form married couples, what we teach them, how we train them, how we prevent disorder and breakdown, how we support them at each step, from courting through marriage and childbearing and aging and death. If there are surprises here, it is because of what we have lost or forgotten, not because I am presenting novel insights.

Building a sound marriage culture also means engaging the effects and aftermath of personal failure and natural calamity—things done by and to folks. Tackling these things also involves parents, churches, kin, friends, communities, schools, and even civic leaders. There are no simple prescriptions, cure-alls, or snake-oil remedies. I address those things too.

However, before considering these practical matters, we must first grasp something that is essential and foundational, namely, design. And there are two things we must always grasp to understand the design of anything—what it is and what it is intended to do. Marriage is no different. Thankfully, God has clearly communicated these things to us in the Bible.

So first, we must know how God has defined marriage. What must be present in order for God to call a human relationship “marriage”? Conversely, what are broken, or counterfeit, versions of marriage? How can we spot the fakes and recognize the genuine article?

Second, we need to grasp what God’s purposes are for marriage. What is it designed to accomplish? If we don’t know that, then how can we determine when it is “delivering the goods” and when it is not, or when we are expecting something from marriage that it was never meant to provide? If we don’t know what marriage is for, then how can we detect when we, or others, are illegitimately assigning its proper functions to other institutions or entities that were never meant to bear those responsibilities?

This will move us inevitably to the hub that brings into harmonious cooperation all the parts of the wheel: the one-flesh reality of marriage. In marriage, the two become one flesh, for the glory of God and the welfare of the human race. In no other human relationship or institution does this happen. Like all things, this one-flesh reality begins at the...