Bird The Last Stand of Mrs. Mary Whitehouse

1. Auflage 2025
ISBN: 978-1-78850-914-5
Verlag: Nick Hern Books
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 6 - ePub Watermark

E-Book, Englisch, 80 Seiten

Reihe: NHB Modern Plays

'And what happens when the pendulum swings too far? We push back.' In the 1970s, one enigmatic old lady wielded extraordinary influence, fighting against what she believed was the UK's moral decline. Armed with only a typewriter, this seemingly harmless grandmother took on the BBC and the 'godless media' in a culture war that divided the nation. Inspired by real events, Caroline Bird's wickedly funny play delves into Whitehouse's most explosive battle - her infamous blasphemy trial against Gay News - and explores her formidable resolve to push back the tide. Was she a pearl-clutching prude or 'the most dangerous woman in Britain'? A fascinating investigation into freedom and censorship, The Last Stand of Mrs. Mary Whitehouse was co-commissioned by Nottingham Playhouse, Eleanor Lloyd Productions and Pakenham Projects. Premiering at Nottingham Playhouse in 2025, it was directed by Sarah Frankcom and starred Maxine Peake and Samuel Barnett. 

Caroline Bird is an award-winning poet and playwright. She won The Forward Prize for best poetry collection in 2020, and was shortlisted for the Costa Prize 2020, the TS Eliot Prize 2017, the Ted Hughes Award 2017, and the Dylan Thomas Prize twice in 2008 and 2010. She was a finalist for the Susan Smith Blackburn Prize 2014. She was the youngest ever member of the Royal Court Young Writer's Programme, tutored by Simon Stephens. Her plays include: The Last Stand of Mrs. Mary Whitehouse (Nottingham Playhouse, 2025); Red Ellen (Northern Stage, Nottingham Playhouse & Royal Lyceum Edinburgh, 2022); The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Northern Stage, 2015); Chamber Piece (Lyric Theatre Hammersmith, as part of the Secret Theatre season, 2013); and The Trojan Women (Gate Theatre, 2012). Her Beano-inspired musical, The Trial of Dennis the Menace, was performed in the Purcell Room at the Southbank Centre in 2012. She was short-listed for Most Promising New Playwright at the 2013 Off-West-End Awards.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Bird, Caroline

Leseproben

1

MARY WHITEHOUSE

MARY If I stay in here with the curtains drawn for an hour, eventually they’ll get bored and go away.

It’s what they want, of course. To shame me into isolation.

Matthew Fifteen, do not light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand… that they may your good works. Yes.

I’m getting dressed.

Colour, as much as possible.

If they’re expecting some dowdy busybody, they’ve got another thing coming.

It’s a glorious summer’s day.

I am coming out.

MARY

Ernest, switch it off.

PROTESTERS. Buggery is beautiful! Buggery is beautiful! Buggery is beautiful!

MARY () There used to be nothing odd about us.

Do you remember?

We all seemed to have one child after another.

They all used to play in the garden

with the sand and the water.

We were all of the same mind.

Now our house is surrounded by gays.

It’s usually very quiet here, with our chickens, geese and fantail pigeons on the fringe of Constable Country, surrounded by our meadow. That makes me sound very grand. I should say, surrounded by this rough-looking acre of land I euphemistically call our meadow…

and they’re just on the other side

past the greenhouse

in a great big line

staring at me

with their megaphones and placards,

wishing me dead.

I wish them well.

() ‘Mary Whitehouse Kills.’ Kills who? Who have I killed?

Hello, Ardleigh two-one-four-five, this is Mrs Mary Whitehouse speaking.

ANONYMOUS CALLER 1. This is just to let you know, your assassination is still on.

MARY. I beg your pardon?

ANONYMOUS CALLER 1. If the appeal is won, we’re still going to get you.

MARY. Hello?

Death threats. Against a sixty-seven-year-old woman. And they call hateful?

() I also get charming letters.

() Me with a meat cleaver in my back.

Courtesy of ‘the oppressed minority’.

()

Bearded man in tiny waistcoat with no shirt underneath.

Long-haired waif in tight white T-shirt.

Almost-bald woman in leather jacket.

Denim man with his arms crossed.

Mad-hatter type with a sign saying ‘Sissies Unite’.

There’s no neighbours over there, it’s a public footpath but it’s very secluded.

This protest is all for benefit.

An ordinary Christian who collects pebbles for a hobby.

I’ve got tottering piles scattered all round the house,

don’t ask why, it’s probably

the most interesting thing about me

and even that is completely unremarkable.

Hello, Ardleigh two-one-four-five, this is Mrs Mary Whitehouse speaking.

ANONYMOUS CALLER 2. I want to tell you, Mrs Whitehouse, that I am a homosexual and I’m glad that I’m a homosexual.

MARY. Well, if it makes you feel better to have told me, I’m delighted, thank you very much for calling, goodbye.

() He doesn’t sound very glad.

2

DAVID ()

DAVID. They’re holding my soundman hostage.

MARY. David, your face!

DAVID. I thought I’d spare my soft-top by parking up in the village, but when we refused to film them, they turned vicious. Last time I saw Marcus, he was being screamed at by a bloke in a floral headdress. It’s a miracle I saved our equipment. () It used to be the love that dare not speak its name, now you can’t bloody shut it up! Pardon my French.

MARY. Oh, you can’t use the garden hose, I’ll get you a damp cloth –

DAVID. It’s just an egg, and time is of the essence.

MARY. The egg-sense.

DAVID () You are hilarious. I want our film to show side of you as well.

Are you alright, Mrs Whitehouse?

MARY. Yes. Let’s get some natural shots first: pruning the roses, reading my Bible –

DAVID. ’Cause if these little bastards – pardon my French – were comparing to Hitler, I’d be sobbing myself to sleep.

MARY. I’m not a crier.

DAVID. No shame in it.

MARY. Truly. () I can’t remember the last time I cried.

MARY

Right.

DAVID () One sec. Dick Van Dyke with his one-man band over here. Granada only pays half my petrol. If I were the BBC, you’d have a whole camera crew of pinko lefties trampling your lawn.

MARY. Perhaps these rival channels will make the BBC remember their values. Before ‘family television’ became giant pepper pots with phallic guns.

DAVID. Exterminate! Exterminate!

MARY. It’s not a joke, David. Shootings, electrocutions, drownings, torture. Young minds are like wet cement. Our licensing fees are funding children’s nightmares.

DAVID. And yours too, watching all that.

MARY. Oh, I don’t watch it all. Tireless volunteers send me monitoring reports. I’d fear for my soul, consuming every writhe and curse, every spurt of blood. () Absolutely not!

MARY

Terry? It’s Mrs Whitehouse. The rainbow coach has arrived and I can’t see your reporter.

I hope he’s on his way. Or next time, I’ll ring the . Best regards to your wife.

( DAVID) Film me bringing out the cake.

DAVID. Action.

DAVID MARY

Cut.

Victoria sponge, my favourite, with fresh raspberries –

MARY. From the garden.

DAVID. And what beautiful doilies. () Like a snowflake.

MARY

MARY. Do you have a girlfriend, David?

DAVID. Why, you interested?

MARY () No wedding ring but I assume you’re courting? Handsome man like you.

DAVID. Ha. Shall we do the interview in the conservatory?

MARY. Please answer my question first.

MARY

DAVID. Why are you asking me this now?

MARY. I want to understand why you are working with me, David.

DAVID. It’s my shoulders, isn’t it? I’ve got weak shoulders.

MARY

Because I’m a grown-up, not a fantasist, that’s why. This lot, they’re like shoplifters shouting ‘justice for shoplifters’; they’d rather change the moral framework of the world than change themselves. Not me. Yes, I struggle. But I do know right from wrong. My father’s a vicar and he’s just like you, Mrs Whitehouse, and I thought maybe he might watch our documentary and see that… that… I am nothing like… I am certainly not proud.

MARY

MARY. Right. Just the peach turtleneck or with the blue cardigan?

DAVID () Blue. Brings out your eyes.

MARY. Fire away.

DAVID

DAVID. Rolling. () The first trial for blasphemy in fifty-six years was held this summer in London. It seemed to many an eccentric event but it raised a vital question: can any belief still be held so sacred that it should be protected by law? Campaigner Mary Whitehouse, who began the prosecution, often protests about horror movies, rock songs and pornography, but did she ever imagine her greatest public battle to date would centre around, not a...