Evans 7 Secrets of Successful Families

Understanding What Happy, Functional Families Have in Common
1. Auflage 2016
ISBN: 978-1-4835-8889-6
Verlag: BookBaby
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, 200 Seiten

Suppose there were seven secrets that could revolutionize your family. Suppose those secrets would cause your family to succeed in every area of life. How important would it be for you to possess that kind of treasure? Would you become a whip-cracking, fearless Indiana Jones willing to risk life and limb to obtain that secret treasure? Well there's no need to go to such lengths. In this dynamic book those secrets are uncovered! In easy-to-understand language, with step-by-step precision, Jimmy Evans spells out how your family can become healthy and successful. Among other things 7 Secrets of Successful Families reveals: how to communicate sensitive family issues and resolve conflicts; how a healthy balance of affection and accountability creates stability and harmony; how to establish and maintain correct priorities that keep your family on course for success; and how your home life can become pleasant and secure. Chapters in this book include: A Balance of Grace and Truth Healthy Dependency Proper Parental Authority and more!

Autoren/Hrsg.

Evans, Jimmy

Leseproben

s e c r e t  o n e

a correct priority structure

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:36–39)

The Bible is crystal clear regarding our priorities. We are commanded by God to put Him first and people second. In fact, Matthew 6:33 conveys a powerful promise for the person who puts God first: “… all these things shall be added to you.” “All these things” refers to the comforts, wealth, position in life, and security we are seeking. The context of the promise began as Jesus was chastising His disciples for their unbelief toward God and their anxiety concerning life’s provision. He finalized His discourse by promising faithful and complete blessings for the person who gives God priority above all else.

The establishing of priorities in our lives and families is a high-stakes issue. It means the difference between being blessed or battered, intimate or enemies, a success or a statistic. Successful families are always families with a correct priority structure purposefully entrenched in their lives. It doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because they make the choice to arrange their decisions, practices, and lifestyles to honor God first and then family.

Even though most Christians agree that God should be first and family should come next, much of our agreement is simply lip service that doesn’t translate into our everyday lives. We must understand that the intention to have correct priorities doesn’t benefit us or our families. An old adage even suggests that “the road to ruin is paved with good intentions” (my paraphrase!). Until good intent unites with the willingness to make the difficult daily choices and to say no to competing demands, we won’t find the blessing and harmony for which we are looking.

three important truths concerning priorities

There are three important truths, which can help you understand the importance of Biblical priorities and encourage you to pay whatever price is necessary to establish them in your life.

1.Priorities demonstrate our value system as well as the value system we will pass on to our children.

Our priorities are our values. The person who gives priority to God values God. The person who gives something priority above God values something more than God. It is that simple. The same is true of family; the person who gives priority to family highly values family.

The essence of hypocrisy is speaking something that we are unwilling to live. The truth is, many of us are simply hypocritical concerning our priorities. Much of the disappointment and disharmony in our personal lives and families is a fruit of our sin. For instance, a man may say he loves his wife, but chooses work or sports above her. Parents say they love their children, but allow them to be crowded out of their daily schedules by something that is less important. We say we love God first, but are unwilling to sacrifice in order to give, worship, or serve Him. This is hypocrisy.

When God examines our priorities, His scrutiny isn’t placed primarily on what we say we believe; it is on what we practice. When God sees us putting Him first, He knows we value Him; therefore, He blesses us. However, when He sees that something has replaced Him in our lives—not that we have renounced Him or changed our minds about Him, but that we have simply reprioritized Him to a position less than first—He knows He is being devalued. Also, He views as an idol whatever has taken His place, even if it is something good and necessary. Even though God always loves us, He simply will not bless a life that has devalued Him and is practicing idolatry.

Not only is there a breakdown of relationship between God and us when our priorities are wrong, but also the same thing is true of our relationships with our spouses. God’s first commandment related to marriage in Genesis 2:24 is that we must “leave” our fathers and mothers. The word “leave” doesn’t mean that we forsake or neglect our parents in favor of our spouses; it simply means that our marriage has priority above them. In fact, not only must we give our marriage priority above our parents, we must do the same in every area in life, with the exception of God. When we do this, it creates an environment of energy and affection for our marriage. When we don’t, jealousy and hurt feelings occur. Our spouses intuitively know that they should have priority above everything other than God. The importance of this issue in marital satisfaction cannot be overstated or underestimated.

Our children will also reflect whether they feel they have a position of priority. Even though all children have their problems, children who feel unloved and rejected by their parents have much greater problems and cause much more heartache. Parenting is a full-time job that requires a great deal of time and energy. Except for God and our spouses, nothing should be valued greater than our children. Regardless of what else we must sacrifice, we must not sacrifice the time, attention, energy, and love we devote to our kids. They need to know in real terms that they are precious and important to us.

In addition to gaining the blessing of God and our families, we also transmit correct values to our children when our priorities are right. We must realize that our children’s future happiness and success aren’t primarily dependent on education, relationships, or income. They are based on whether or not God is blessing them. God’s approval brings peace and prosperity to us without grief, stress, or relational difficulties. “The blessing of the LORD makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it” (Proverbs 10:22). Therefore, as parents, we must train our children through godly example to honor Biblical priorities. As we do, both we and they are ensured of God’s blessings.

2.Right priorities promote the health and growth of the most important things in our lives. Wrong priorities prohibit growth and health.

When Karen and I married, I was obsessed with golf and work. Those two things consumed my primary energy, both physically and emotionally. At the end of my pursuits at work or at a game of golf, I had little time or energy left for Karen, for our children, or for God. The result was a family life that was miserable and filled with tension.

Even though I insisted that I loved God, Karen, and my children before all else, I was distant and grew more emotionally separated from each of them. When confronted by Karen about my failure as a man of God, husband, and father, I became angry. My greatest indignation was over her labeling me a hypocrite. She told me that I kept saying things I didn’t really mean. When she said that (and she said it often), I would retaliate with a self-congratulating sermon, reminding her how wonderful I was and how much I did for her and the kids. Even though my little speeches sometimes got her off my back, the tension remained.

Our marriage finally came to a breaking point. The central issue was whether or not I would give priority to God and my family above my work and the time I spent playing golf. Even though it was over thirty years ago, I remember the moment I made that decision. It was gut wrenching. I thought I had lost everything and become a domestic martyr. I was ignorant.

I look back on that event now as being one of the greatest turning points in my life. Today, not only do I have a great career and still enjoy golf, but I also have a fulfilling, growing, intimate relationship with God, Karen, and my children. Truly, I have it all. Why? Because I finally got my priorities straight.

Biblical priorities are protective parameters that keep the most important things as the most important things. Priorities are made evident by how we spend our time, energy, and money. If we give the first of these things to God, God stays first in our lives, and our relationship with Him flourishes. When we don’t give the best to Him, our relationship suffers and stops growing. There is never an exception to this truth.

A powerful example of this point is found in a verse of Scripture in Matthew 6:21. Jesus said, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” The Greek word for “treasure” used in this verse is the word thesauros. It means “a treasure or treasury.” The word “heart” is the Greek word kardia, which means “our inner self or the seat of our emotions.” The significance of these words in this verse is powerful. What Jesus is telling us is that our real feelings and focus will be wherever we establish the place(s) to deposit and secure what we treasure (time, energy, money).

It is impossible to separate your treasure and your heart. It can’t be done. For example, if your treasury is your job—if that’s the place you give the best and/or most of your treasures—then your feelings and focus will be there. If your treasury is school,...