The Whaler’s Dues
Brian Paone
“She breaks my heart every time I see her.” Willie raised his unshaven chin to point across the restaurant.
Big Riff looked in the direction indicated. “Yeah, and your wallet.”
“I’ve probably paid for her college fund three times over,” Willie replied, staring at his favorite stripper. “I’m gonna talk to her.”
“Really?”
“I don’t think there are rules about talking to dancers when they’re off-duty. What do I have to lose?”
Willie maneuvered his way around the scattered tables and lunch patrons. She noticed him approach and seductively wrapped her brown hair around her neck where it rested on one shoulder. Willie swallowed hard and almost coughed from nervousness.
“Hey there, Willie,” she said and smiled.
He tried his best to hide his disappointment when he noticed her stealthily slide a wedding ring off her finger and into her coat pocket.
“It’s nice to see you outside of work,” Willie said.
“You mean, with my clothes on?” She chuckled.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Willie could feel blood rushing to his cheeks.
“Aww, you’re so adorable when you’re embarrassed.” She grabbed the hem of her red dress with her left hand.
Willie stopped breathing as she slowly raised the fabric past her knee and stopped, revealing just enough thigh to get his heart racing.
“I like messing with ya,” she said as she let go of the dress, and it returned to a more modest position. “Did you have something to ask me, or were you just coming over to keep me company?”
Willie had to think fast. The wedding ring had distracted him and knocked him off his game. Did he really think he would’ve had a chance with her anyway, even if she wasn’t married? Or even not a stripper, for that matter?
“Since we’re outside your…place of employment, could you tell me your name?”
“Kelpie.” She laughed.
“I was hoping for your real name, not your stage name,” he said disappointed, realizing she wasn’t going to drop the facade, even outside the walls of the club.
“I can’t.” She shook her head. “You understand, right, babe?”
“Unfortunately I do.”
“Do you want to sit down?”
“Nah. I’m here with Riff.”
Kelpie spotted Big Riff watching them and gave him an enthusiastic wave. He raised his hand slightly off the table in a haphazard motion.
“It was nice to see you, Willie.” She stabbed the filet of sole on her plate. “Are you coming to the club anytime soon? I miss you.”
Willie knew she was toying with him; this was all part of the act to keep a loyal customer. He wasn’t about to get charmed by the pizzazz of a stripper.
“I’ll come by soon.”
Kelpie swallowed the mouthful of fish and washed it down with sparkling wine. Willie lifted the bottle and inspected the label, trying to impress her by pretending he was some wine connoisseur. He was sure she could see right through his antics.
“It’s a cheap five-dollar bottle,” Kelpie said.
Feeling defeated, Willie excused himself and returned to his table.
“She’s married, dude.”
“What?” Big Riff sounded surprised.
“She didn’t exactly say it, but I saw her remove a wedding ring from her finger.”
“She’s gotta keep the illusion, even outside the club, ya know? She’s gotta keep those dollars flowing.”
“Oh, shut up. Stop teasing me.”
Kelpie placed her napkin in the center of her empty plate—small flakes of sole were stuck to the tines of her fork. She stood and winked at Willie as she left the restaurant.
Big Riff snapped his fingers loudly in front of Willie’s eyes, breaking his stare.
“Come back to reality,” Big Riff said.
“She knows how to drive a guy right back—”
“You, my friend, are pathetic,” Big Riff interrupted. “And I need to get going. I’m working the late shift.”
“What time are you getting off?”
“Two.”
“See you at Harry’s?”
“Yeah. Don’t expect me before three though.”
“I’ll have your first drink waiting.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Big Riff threw a twenty-dollar bill on the table and left his best friend alone to finish his lunch.
The rain fell as if the sky was enraged. Large drops pounded the neon sign over the entrance, making angry hissing noises. Big Riff entered Harry’s Bar—physically slicing through the cigarette smoke that hung in the air—and looked at his watch. Only a couple of hours until sunrise. Damn.
The music was thumping. The two girls onstage gyrated in unison like hungry jungle cats, seductively flipping their hair as they tried to score another dollar bill by making ridiculous-looking faces at the gentlemen clientele.
Big Riff found Willie at a table with only one seat. He pulled up an empty chair and slapped his best friend on the shoulder.
“Riff, my man, you’ve already missed half the girls.”
“Oh? I thought you said you’d have a drink waiting for me.” Big Riff signaled the bartender.
“Kelpie’s already been up three times.”
Big Riff sighed. He had really hoped she wouldn’t be working tonight so Willie would stop obsessing so much.
Big Riff reminisced about the first time he had watched her dance; he hadn’t believed in love at first sight until that night. The way she moved—so much expression and something else…something melancholy under those fake smiles and winks for money. Big Riff just knew something fragile and sanctified was hidden deep inside her. It pained him whenever he was forced to face the realization he’d never be anything more to Kelpie than an ATM that only dispenses one-dollar bills.
Hearing Willie talk incessantly about her made Big Riff want to toss a multitude of alcoholic beverages down his throat and sneer at the other drunks, dressed in their obnoxious plaid shirts, while they gawked at Kelpie like a piece of meat.
“Riff?”
“Sorry, Harry. Lost on my own island again.”
“Here’s your gin,” the owner-slash-bartender said and placed a napkin printed with Harry’s logo underneath the glass.
Harry had barely reached the bar when Big Riff called his name. Harry looked back at the table and noticed the glass was empty. Big Riff shook off the burn of the alcohol by clenching all his facial muscles.
“Another one?” Harry asked.
“Tonight, my friend, keep ’em coming.”
Before Harry could return with a second gin, the stage door opened, and Kelpie sashayed toward the pole. The drunks up front cheered, their wallets now magically in plain view, eager to toss Kelpie their hard-earned money for a few seconds of attention.
“She knows how to take control of a room, doesn’t she?” Willie yelled, as the music’s volume suddenly increased.
Before Big Riff could think of a reply, Harry returned. Big Riff nodded in thanks and swallowed half the gin in one gulp. The liquid burned his lips; exactly how he liked.
He glanced at Kelpie and had a hard time meeting her gaze without blushing, followed by the uncontrollable need to look anywhere else. Staring into his drink, he knew Kelpie must’ve removed her skimpy bra by the whoops and hollers from the men up front. Against his better judgment, Big Riff stole a peek and saw the town shit-bag rubbing her bra over his face, like he’d just won the lottery.
“Waste of gravity,” Big Riff muttered.
“What’s that, hotshot?” someone said, firmly grabbing Big Riff ’s shoulders and shaking him with a little too much gusto.
Big Riff rolled his eyes. “You lost,...