Roche Debacle to Delight

The blessing of Grace through adversity
1. Auflage 2019
ISBN: 978-1-5439-8842-0
Verlag: BookBaby
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, 272 Seiten

Through personal testimony, Debacle to Delight encourages those going through times of trial and adversity.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Roche, Chris

Leseproben

Chapter 2:
In Bondage

A complete emotional wreck I was then

Discouraged and depressed faith so thin

Carrying heavy baggage for 30 years

Even as an adult breaking out in tears

Several years prior to writing this, I was going through such internal turmoil that I could barely function. It is a real shame that I didn’t seek help for my problems earlier in life. I kept thinking things would get better with time. But by the time changes did occur, some 30 years had past. During that time, I was in a continual loop of discouragement and, I probably didn’t realize it, depression. I was experiencing an all-out spiritual battle for my soul and discouragement was winning the day. The sadness caused by my many ups-and-downs would cause me to break out in tears … just wanting to feel some relief.

What was my problem?

There was really a void in my heart. Even though I was a Christian, I was not truly believing and trusting in God. I had accepted the work of Christ in my life at the age of 9. I can remember walking to a friend’s house after school for a Bible study. His family hosted an after-school study at their house once a week. It was at one of these meetings, that for the first time, I felt the call of God on my life. So at the age of 9, after hearing the gospel message, I decided to give my life to Jesus. But it wasn’t until many years later that I would actually commit my life to serving him with my whole self. Until recently, my relationship with the Lord seemed to be one of convenience. When I was down and needed something, I would pray. Or maybe someone had a health issue so I would pray. It was really a selfish way to worship. Honestly, it probably wasn’t worship at all. Rather, I was still living for Chris and wanting things my way. Ultimately, I had a sin problem. Michael Reeves writes, “For in the Bible, sin is something that goes deeper than our behavior. Indeed, we can do what is “right” and be no better than whitewashed tombs, clean on the outside but rotten on the inside. Jonathan Edwards argued that even the demons can do what is ‘right’ in that superficial sense of good behavior.” It seems I was always hoping who I was, instead of truly examining who I really was. Being in bondage is a terrible thing. Like a prison that chained me to a problem, I could not find freedom. I had a lot of mood swings. Maybe it was pride and arrogance. Maybe it was fear. When people would ask me how I was doing, I would often respond, “I am doing great!” But inside that really wasn’t the case. It is a shame that when asked that question, so many people deny the opportunity to get honest with people and share their needs. More often than not, that was the case with me. The cycle of fear, control, and anger was dominating my life. It was terrible for me and those around me.

I always thought I had things figured out. It is incredible to think that I actually used to look down on people with problems, when I had so many of my own. I am so thankful my thinking has changed. Now I have compassion on people’s problems, because I have learned from my own.

The devil made me do it?

Many people want to blame others for their problems or shortcomings. A frequent target of blame is the devil himself. Certainly, the devil is described as an enemy in the Bible. The Bible also says this enemy is roaming about seeking whomever he can devour. So this is not something we should take lightly. While some want to blame the devil for everything, some don’t believe in him at all. In writing about her great missionary work in Northern Thailand, Isobel Kuhn wrote, “The only person who does not believe that the Devil is a person is someone who has never attempted to combat him or his ways … the simple tribesman going through his animistic incantations is wiser than such a drugged intellectual. He, at least, knows there is a Devil; and he has ways to appease him temporarily.” Kuhn certainly knew what she was talking about. Having experienced many ups-and-downs on the missionary field, she realized the reality of the spiritual battle that is being waged every day. And while it is true that the enemy is a destructive foe, it is also true that he cannot make us do anything. The Word of God makes it clear he can tempt us. He can lie to us. He can try to deceive us. But ultimately, he cannot make us do anything. For the believer in Christ, one can simply cast every thought and every imagination on to Jesus. Jesus has already fought and won every battle that we will face. We simply have to acknowledge that and rest in Him. But for me, in my old condition, I was not doing that. I was still caught up in my bondage and was yet to put my full trust in God.

I was so angry

Anger is powerful and destructive. When I think about anger, I can recall an evening in Mumbai, India. I had been invited to a friend’s house for a visit. Madhavi, one of the trustees of the orphanage we did adoption work through, gave me a tour of her house. After we visited and talked about the orphanage, she called a cab for my ride back to the hotel. Her home was about 45 minutes from the city-center where I was staying at the Sheraton. The cab arrived at her house, and after our goodbyes, I set off for the city. About twenty minutes into my trip, the driver began to curse the American government for the ongoing war in Iraq. I listened to his tirade for what seemed to be over ten minutes. The anger that was coming out of his mouth was quite frightening. This was one of the few times in all my travels that I got a bit nervous. The other was getting lost near a slum outside of Nairobi, Kenya, but that story is for a different time. After he calmed down a bit, I thanked him for the ride and told him how much I had been enjoying my stay in India. He seemed to be satisfied with that and gladly took my money for the ride. Anger. It is a powerful thing. It can control the person with the problem and also hold others in fear around them.

The cycle of fear, control, and anger is a vicious cycle. For over 30 years, I was found caught in this deadly cycle. It was deadly spiritually and deadly emotionally. What a terrible place to be in. I would often find myself in such a frustrated state, that I could not think rationally. It really was a sickness that I carried for so many years.

Please do not blame your parents

When I think about all the problems and trouble I experienced over the past thirty years, I must take responsibility for my actions. However, I want to acknowledge that the life experiences we have each lived does have an impact on us. We can react positively or negatively, but the fact remains that our history and family life are part of the life equation. Although my father is doing great now and serving the Lord Jesus, there was a time when alcohol was winning the day. This ever-losing battle with alcohol caused a lot of harm and eventually destroyed our family. And although this is true, I still have many wonderful memories of my childhood. When my parents divorced, I told myself that this would never happen to me. I was going to do it right. I was going to show people that I could be a success. I was going to show people that I didn’t have to be a statistic. The impact that this alcohol and then divorce had on me was tremendous. It cannot be overstated how my attitude and countenance changed. Years later, after my own divorce, my childhood friends recalled how much I changed during that time in life. I was so fearful of having the same outcome that I eventually did indeed have my own downfall. So do I blame my parents? No. Did that time in their lives affect me? Yes. But I love my parents and realize they were doing the best they knew how at the time. So I think each of us should acknowledge our past. It is good to recognize why we might have some of the habits, thought patterns, and behaviors we do. But it is never good enough to blame someone else. Their mistakes are past. They are forgiven. The question then becomes what will I do with my habits, patterns, and behaviors. In this day and age of a lack of responsibility, we must take that responsibility back. Let’s commit today to take it seriously and let God move in our lives. Regardless of what your past has been, please commit today to move forward.

Faith in the good time, but for how long?

I have very fond memories of early morning prayer times at a church I used to attend. Very early on Saturday mornings, I think around 5:30, a group of men would meet in the sanctuary and each would generally take a usual spot as was their habit. On cold mornings, one of the men would fire the heater in the basement. It was quite comfortable to be setting in the sanctuary listening to the warm water run through the creaking radiators. It was such a pleasant and soothing sound. We would sit there for nearly thirty minutes, each man in his own place, praying to the Lord and seeking God. After some time, we would convene together and begin to speak words of encouragement to each other and/or share a passage of Scripture we had been looking at. Honestly, for me not being a great early morning person, it was difficult making these meetings. But once I was there, I was always thankful for the warm prayer time and good fellowship. I would have to say that I always left those prayer meetings with my mind...