Fagan / Howie / Raabsmith Anchored

A Mentored Guide to Stability After Betrayal
1. Auflage 2026
ISBN: 979-8-31782290-3
Verlag: BookBaby
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, Band 1, 176 Seiten

Reihe: Anchored

When betrayal shatters your world, you need more than platitudes-you need solid ground to stand on while the waves crash around you. Anchored: A Mentored Guide to Stability After Betrayal is a faith-based manual for women beginning their journey toward healing from sexual betrayal. Created by Pure Life Alliance and written by eight experts-therapists, coaches, and women who have walked this painful path themselves-this book combines clinical insight with biblical truth to help you find the hope and stability you need to begin moving forward. Each chapter addresses a crucial aspect of early recovery and includes Reflect and Practice exercises designed to be worked through with a mentor or in a support group-because no one should weather this storm alone. Topics include: Understanding trauma and its impact on body, mind, and spirit Navigating overwhelming emotions with practical coping strategies Sharing your story safely and building circles of support Establishing healthy boundaries to protect yourself Understanding the nature of addiction Reclaiming your identity and self-worth If you've been devastated by sexual betrayal-whether a recent discovery or a long-term pattern-Anchored will meet you in your pain and guide you through those first steps toward rebuilding safety, stability, and self-worth. You didn't choose this journey, but you do get to choose how to move forward from here. Anchored will help you do that. Book one in a three-book series for betrayed spouses written by Pure Life Alliance, with additional books addressing later stages of the healing journey.

My journey to founding Living Waters of Hope began after witnessing the devastating effects of domestic abuse on women very close to me. The urgent need for biblically-based healing resources was undeniable, and I felt God's clear call to write the Oasis Bible Study. Safe and confidential online Oasis support classes help women navigate the complex challenges of unhealthy relationships, rooted in God's truth. As a follower of Jesus, a Certified Counselor, and a Domestic Abuse Advocate, my deepest passion is guiding women to embrace their true worth and value through God's Word and the liberating truth about domestic abuse. Founded in 2013, our mission at Living Waters of Hope is to restore hope and dignity to women and equip others to do the same. Outside of ministry, I'm blessed to share life with my wonderful servant-leader husband of 45 years (Ephesians 5:25). We cherish time with our family as well as exploring the beautiful mountains, lakes, and coastlines near our Oregon home.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Fagan, Eileen

Howie, Jenn

Raabsmith, Joanna

Smith, Stacey

Waldridge, Brianna

Leseproben

Chapter 2

Understanding Trauma and Its Foundations

by Eileen Fagan

NCC, LPC, CCTP, CSAT

Psychotherapist and Pastoral Clinician, Pure Desire Ministries International

My husband and I have an adult daughter with epilepsy who came back home to live with us shortly after the Covid pandemic. One night, she had a sleepwalking episode of sorts after a seizure, and in her confusion, walked out her second story bedroom window and fell about 30 feet onto the pavement below. As a result of her fall, she broke her back and her leg and shattered both feet and ankles. She was in the hospital for five weeks and had four surgeries to try to repair the damage. Shortly after her fall, I began to experience nightmares. I had intrusive thoughts recalling the memory of finding her on the driveway and hearing her crying out for me. I had difficulty going home, as I kept recalling the event in my mind. I struggled with anxiety with every surgery and had difficulty focusing on work and self-care. Although I was not the one who fell, I experienced trauma.

WHAT IS TRAUMA?

The word “trauma” has a Greek origin and means “wound.” Although trauma is commonly believed to be a disturbing event, it is better defined as an emotional wound. As you learned in the previous chapter, trauma is not the event itself, but your body’s response to an event. What makes an experience traumatic is our physiological response to the event combined with a feeling of helplessness.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is the term used to describe the cluster of symptoms that may be experienced after trauma. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), a reference book published by the American Psychiatric Association that is used by mental health professionals globally, divides these symptoms into five categories:7

?Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence.

?Intrusion symptoms: recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive memories.

?Avoidance symptoms: attempts to avoid distressing reminders of the event.

?Negative thoughts and mood.

?Changes in emotional arousal and reactivity.

A diagnosis of PTSD would also include a history of difficulty managing life events across times and settings, such as home, work, and social functioning.

Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), while not a DSM-5 diagnosis, is recognized as a cluster of symptoms due to experiencing a chronic state of hypervigilance and symptoms of posttraumatic stress. The World Health Organization recognizes C-PTSD as a separate condition from PTSD,8 and the designation is used by healthcare professionals to diagnose and treat patients.

Trauma is not the event itself, but your body’s response to an event—your physiological response combined with a feeling of helplessness.

BETRAYAL TRAUMA AND ITS RELATIONSHIP TO PTSD

When considering the symptoms of PTSD and the experiences reported by individuals who have experienced betrayal trauma, many similarities are present. In his book The Science of Trust, John Gottman states, “All the symptoms of PTSD are present in the betrayed partner, including disturbed sleep, flashbacks, depression, obsessional intrusive thoughts, emotional numbing, insecurity, self-doubt, and generalized anxiety.”9

The International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) has created an assessment tool to measure the multi-dimensional effects of trauma on the betrayed spouse. One component of this tool is the Trauma Inventory for Partners of Sex Addicts (TIPSA), where symptoms reported by the betrayed spouse are “plugged into” the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, to see if an individual would meet a diagnosis of PTSD based solely on their betrayal symptoms. This is often a validating experience for betrayal trauma survivors, as their experiences may have been minimized by themselves or others.

Reflect

Although not included in the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, gaslighting is included as part of the TIPSA due to the emotional damage caused by the perpetrator. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which one person causes another to question their own perception, sanity, or memories. Victims of gaslighting often report feeling confused, anxious, and withdrawn, with a slow disconnection from their own once-trusted intuition. Gaslighting is generally divided into two categories: denial and blame. With denial, victims are lied to, told they did not remember events accurately, or told that they are “crazy.” With blame, victims are made to feel responsible for the actions of the perpetrator. This may sound like, “If you were just more sexual…,” “If you would dress more provocatively…,” or “If you would lose/gain some weight, I would be more attracted to you…” The atrocity of gaslighting is that a person who was once deemed “safe” has shifted to “dangerous.” The physiological changes activated by being around that person can, over time, lead to depression, exhaustion, and a dysregulated nervous system.

Have you been gaslighted? If so, how?

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT TRAUMA?

Although the word “trauma” may not be present in the Bible, God both understands and identifies with trauma. Jesus experienced trauma, certainly on the cross, and emotionally when he experienced rejection and abandonment from those he loved. Hebrews 4:15 states that “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testing we do, yet he did not sin” (NLT). The word here translated as “understands” comes from the Greek word for sympathy, defined by Thayer as “affected with the same feeling as another, to sympathize with; to feel for, have compassion on.”10 Psalm 55:4-5 was most likely written while David was experiencing betrayal trauma himself; his friend and his son had joined forces in a coup, and David writes: “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me” (NIV). Joseph experienced trauma after being betrayed by his brothers, and Bathsheba and Tamar experienced the trauma of sexual assault. Finally, God promises that he “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3 NIV).

In the newly emerging field of epigenetics, which studies how trauma alters gene expression, science is confirming what God already shared with us in Exodus 34:7 (NLT):

“I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin. But I do not excuse the guilty. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations’” (emphasis added).

Epigenetic studies have shown that trauma alters gene expression, which means that some of the effects of trauma can be passed to children, even though they did not experience the trauma.

In Mark Wolynn’s book It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are And How to End The Cycle, he shares the term “epigenetic tags.”

[Epigenetic tags] attach to the DNA and tell the cell to either activate or silence a specific gene… The sequence of the DNA itself doesn’t change, but because of these epigenetic tags, its expression does. Research has shown that epigenetic tags can account for differences in how we regulate stress later in life.11

It's important to note, however, that epigenetic trauma is not a life sentence or even an exact science. God has promised, through Jesus, to break the curse of sin and death as we give our hearts to him and “plow up the hard ground of [our] hearts” (Hosea 10:12 NLT). With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can begin to understand and heal from the destructive effects of trauma.

THE IMPACT OF TRAUMA

Experiencing trauma can significantly impact mental, physical, and emotional health. It is crucial to practice self-care and kindness during recovery. Avoid making major changes or decisions while healing; the reason for this has to do with the way God designed our brains. The part of our brain that records and is impacted by traumatic experiences—the limbic system—is more active during times of trauma. When this “trauma brain” is activated, there is less blood flow to the part of the brain that is responsible for decision-making—the lateral prefrontal cortex. Focus on gradual progress, taking it one day or even one hour at a time.

Avoid making major changes or decisions while healing. Focus on gradual progress, taking it one day or even one hour at a time.

In order to understand the impact of trauma, it is helpful to understand some workings of the nervous system. God created our bodies with the ability to protect ourselves, both with and without our conscious awareness. In The Polyvagal Theory, Dr. Steven Porges uses the term “neuroception” to describe the body’s ability to detect cues and respond to potential danger without our conscious awareness.12 Our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses are some of the ways that our autonomic nervous system kicks into gear to protect us...