Turner Your Metamorphosis

The book for your transformation
1. Auflage 2022
ISBN: 978-3-347-64485-4
Verlag: tredition
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 6 - ePub Watermark

E-Book, Englisch, 208 Seiten

Personal development is a growth process similar to the metamorphosis of a butterfly. Emerge from your childhood as a caterpillar, discover what you really want in the cocoon, and take responsibility for your life. Let go of the past and open yourself up to new perspectives. Learn to feel vibrant and free like a butterfly, to flutter your wings, and to lead a more confident and fulfilled life! »YOUR METAMORPHOSIS« is more than a self-help book. You can pick it up again and again, refer to its tips and activities, and use it as a personal workbook. Write in it, make notes, and keep it by your side during your transformation. With your purchase, you are making a generous donation to my school project in Kenya, which covers school costs for children there. Your contribution gives them an education, the opportunity to learn a profession, and the chance to live a good life.

'Was ich tue, mache ich mit Herzblut.' - Jessica Turner Ich liebe es, Dinge für andere zu tun. Wenn du für dich entdeckst, wie du dich am besten entwickeln kannst, schaffst du damit die Möglichkeit, dies auch an andere weiterzugeben - wenn du das möchtest. Ich persönlich unterstütze andere Menschen nicht aus Selbstlosigkeit, sondern habe selbst etwas davon: Wenn ich in meinem Beruf als Projektmanagerin dazu verhelfen kann, ein Projekt erfolgreich durchzuführen, habe ich selbst Erfolg. Wenn ich in meiner Freizeit als Fitnesstrainerin meine Kursteilnehmer motivieren kann, motiviere ich mich selbst. Wenn ich Menschen in meinen sozialen Projekten Freude bereiten kann, empfinde ich selbst Freude. Wenn mich meine Freunde um einen Ratschlag und Hilfe bitten, helfe ich mir in den Gesprächen auch selbst. Das Leben ist schön - und doch nicht immer leicht. Umso faszinierender ist es, was im Leben alles möglich ist, wenn man es wirklich will. Und am meisten erreicht man, wenn man die Menschen um sich herum dabei unterstützt, es auch zu wollen. Meine Erfahrungen habe ich in meinem Buch 'Metamorphose' festgehalten, dessen Erlös für ein nachhaltiges Start-Up in Kenia gespendet wird.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Turner, Jessica

Leseproben

Parents are liable for their children Your parents carry a lot of weight on their shoulders, don’t they? Respon- sibility for your emotional stability, the development of your spirit of courage and discovery. Moreover, they are responsible for your physical wellbeing: you wouldn’t have survived without them feeding you. Not a single baby packs its own backpack right from the delivery room and wanders off in search of food. Babies need someone to change their diapers, to make sure they don’t freeze, and to give them what they need to survive. Caregivers help them learn to take care of themselves. Even hunters and gatherers had to learn the best hunting techniques somewhere. In addition to supplying material and nutritional care with food and shelter, your parents also impacted your life through their own emo- tions. And now for the big surprise: your parents’ emotions were also influenced by their parents’ emotions. In the end, your personal growth is a complex interplay of cause and effect, a circle of life. If your family life is defined by intimacy or dis- tance, then think about whether that was also the case for your parents in their home as children. In some families, a kiss on the cheek or a hug is a normal way to greet one another. Other families don’t practice this ritual - in fact, for them it may be inappropriate altogether. Emotional neglect as a child can have many origins, and it can cause an emotional disorder throughout your life as an adult. Psychologist Stephanie Stahl4 wrote an interesting book on the topic called »Das Kind in dir muss Heimat finden« or in English »How to help your inner child feel at home«. In the book, Stahl describes negative childhood influences which are carried over into adulthood as patterns of thought or programs of behavior. She posits that we all have a Schattenkind (shadow child) and a Sonnenkind (sunshine child). We’ll start with the good part. The sunshine kid represents all the good from your childhood. What did you learn? Which positive experiences did you have? The negative beliefs you learn as a child form your shadow child. This includes your worries, fears, and doubts. What conclusion can you draw from this? Your shadow child is the part of your subconscious that has internalized the neglect of one of what Stahl defines as basic needs: attachment, autonomy, and control. The need to fulfill one’s own desires, or avoid undesirable situations, as well as the need for self-esteem and recognition complete this list. In her book, Stahl describes how we deve- lop negative systems of belief when our basic needs are not met during childhood. Most parents, of course, don’t intentionally try to have a negative impact on their child’s growth. Yet, there are cases in which, due to psychological problems or suboptimal social circumstances, a mother or father can’t care for their growing child as they would like or as they should. If the parents don’t have control over their own emotions, they can’t possibly transmit the right types of emotions to their children. Perhaps you’re familiar with this problem between siblings. Often, the oldest child in the family receives less attention. Subconsciously, the parents prefer the younger children, which causes a feeling of emotional neglect in the oldest. Attachment behavior is, as I have already mentioned, particularly evident during the first two years. Many different theories and approa- ches have tried to explain this phenomenon. John Bowlby5 classified the various behaviors into a typology: secure attachment, avoidant attach- ment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, and disorganized attachment. The child defined by secure attachment behavior exhibits a level of trust in the dependability and availability of his/her caregiver. This person is the basis for a feeling of security. The child can count on him/ her. In adulthood, this translates into a stable-autonomous attachment behavior, trusting others is easy. The child with avoidant attachment may accept a substitute care- giver in the absence of the real one, though this causes internal anxiety. Why does the child react this way? It is a defense strategy: to avoid rejection from the real caregiver, the child avoids contact with him or her and tries to hide fear. The child cannot depend on getting support, instead it expects rejection. As a result, the child suppresses its own desire for intimacy to maintain any closeness to the parent at all. It brus- hes any negative emotions under the carpet. In adulthood, this transla- tes into a fear of long-term relationships or of showing emotion. Rela- tionships become idealized, those with less risk of pain are chosen over those with rewarding emotional milestones. The anxious-ambivalent child is strongly attached to its caregiver. This type tends to be trapped in past relationships as an adult. Present relationships are ripe with dependency problems. All of this because the negative childhood experiences are being translated into the way the person deals with its own relationships. This behavioral pattern could reveal itself, for example, in jealousy or having a hard time giving up control. The child exhibiting disorganized attachment shows emotionally contradictory dependency behaviors. This type is »stuck between two behavioral tendencies«: being attached to a caregiver while simultane- ously rejecting it. The emotional communication is disrupted and the caregiver acts both as a source of and a cure to fear. This could happen, for example, if a traumatic experience for the caregiver is triggered while spending time with the child. This tendency is often seen in peo- ple who want close relationships, but who pull back when affection is reciprocated. The ability to form stable attachments impacts both your mental processes and your behavior. In particular, the quality of early relation- ships is crucial to the formation of your mental processing systems. In turn, these are the foundation for forming healthy relationships in the future. As such, the core goal or purpose of a caregiver is to help you build a healthy psychological reality. Take a moment to think about where you fit in this typology. Feel free to write down your answers in task #4. Parents are even responsible for the way you look - their genes are, anyway. »With those beautiful parents, that child can only be drop-dead gorgeous«, the neighbor Heidi will conclude. And of course, you usually look a lot like your parents. In most cases (unless the mailman made one too many visits), you’ll inherit physical traits from both your mother and father. Roughly 25,000 genes are found in your chromosomes, and they are responsible for your appearance. What color is your hair? Are you blond like your mother or brunette like your father? Genes coordinate all the processes in your body. What you become during your life is also, in part, determined by your genes. You read it correctly - in part. The environment in which you are raised, in addition to the experi- ences in your life and what you make of them, play just as large a role. During your childhood, your parents are responsible for this since you are still dependent on them. How long are you technically a kid? The duration of childhood is defined differently depending on who you ask. In a biological sense, childhood is the period from birth until the time your sexual organs have fully developed - after puberty. When I think of the phrase »Parents are liable for their children«, I automatically think of the legal warnings on signs in buildings or parks. You know right away what is really meant by the phrase: chil- dren shouldn’t break anything, they should behave themselves, and the parents are responsible for any damages incurred. Wouldn’t it be better, though, if the children already started to behave like adults? Dependent on the love of your parents, you learn at an early age to conform - to behave yourself. You learn »how things are done« and »what one doesn’t do«. You develop behaviors that accompany you throughout your adulthood. Maybe you’re already thinking of a situa- tion from your past? The parental style of your parents plays a crucial role in the way you grow up. Sayings like »like mother, like daughter« or »like father, like son« carry a certain degree of truth. As a child, you learn values which stay with you your entire life. Reflect on your own situation: Do your parents live together, or are they separated? How does that affect you? Does your mother speak badly of your father, or vice versa? Do you feel responsible for your parents’ happiness? Quality time with the family is important for early childhood development. Go back to your childhood: Did your family eat, play, and laugh together? Did you discuss things rationally or avoid any type of confrontation altogether? Were there strict rituals, a cool distance, or rules for extreme cleanliness? No matter what you experienced, your childhood can’t be an excuse for making mistakes as an adult. Sure, it may be one cause and you can- not change it. It’s good to know what has influenced your development as a person. But now, it’s time to work on those things. At the end of the day, you will carry around this baggage from childhood until you start to take responsibility for yourself. Regardless of where you place your- self in the typology: freeing yourself of emotional dependency is what makes healthy adult relationships...