Berry 10 Phases of Dating

1. Auflage 2016
ISBN: 978-1-4835-8255-9
Verlag: BookBaby
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, 200 Seiten

Buy this book if: You've ever had a failed Tinder or Bumble date; wondered which emojis make you look douchey; ripped your hair out over another last-minute 'something came up' text; and seriously wish someone would make sense of it for you. If you said 'yes' to any of those, this is the book you've been waiting for.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Berry, David

Leseproben

CHAPTER 1: SINGLE SINGLE According to the illustrious educational source, Urban Dictionary, being “single” means the following: Sin-gle [sing-guhl] When you are currently not in a relationship with a significant other. It usually does not bother you, but the problems start when selfish and inconsiderate assholes rub in the fact that they have someone, and start saying they "love their oh-so-sexy boyfriends/girlfriends" and start going on and on about what he/she does for them, CAN do, and blah blah. NOBODY CARES HOW GREAT HE/SHE IS TO YOU!! If you're taken, and love your partner a lot, then good for you, but for goodness's sakes, at least show some consideration for SINGLE people! Some of these people may even be heartbroken ones, who have been abused by past partners, or just simply some that are sick of hearing about some stupid narrow-sighted people who only see either how "hot" their partner is, or how much money he/she has. Talk about your partner if you want to.. but.. just calm down about it. Your life does not fucking revolve around him/her, so don't act like it. There are a number of things at play in this definition, but for the sake of simplicity, let’s start with one part we can probably all agree on: “…at least show some consideration for SINGLE people!” Well, Urban Dictionary author, you’ll be pleased to know that I intend to do just that. And for that purpose, let’s pull another key nugget from this definition to serve as our launching point. “You are currently not in a relationship with a significant other.” At its core, that’s what it means to be single; you’re not in a relationship. Easy enough, right? Not really. In this instance, singleness is ironically defined against the backdrop of “inconsiderate assholes” that are in relationships. As experience shows us, though, being single is rarely as simple as the absence of a significant other, though it’s not as neatly defined in the above-referenced script, either. And I’ll probably find an editor to tell me it’s a stupid idea to say so, but I’m not going to give you a neat and clean definition of what it means to be single, either. Because among us, there is a living, breathing potpourri of different types of single folks. It’s here that I’ll attempt to give you a glimpse into each of their lives. In no particular order… The ‘Woah is Me’ Crowd: Let’s start with people who are single but were cheated on or betrayed at some point – and they never got over it. For the sake of comparison, and to better understand these folks, imagine for a second that you arrived at your favorite frozen yogurt establishment and discovered that they were all out of cookie dough and hot fudge toppings. Does it suck? That’s an easy question – it’s one of the worst things that can happen to a human being who may or may not be writing this sentence in the immediate aftermath of such an experience. It’s horrific. And, give or take one or two crying sessions, that’s kind of what it feels like to have your trust shattered through unfaithfulness by someone you love. But guess what? You’ll get over it. There will be more cookie dough and – if the froyo folks know what’s good for them – more hot fudge, too. And whether or not you choose to admit it, the same is true in your love life. There will be more love for you to give and share in the future. There will be a greater reservoir of trust within you to share with someone else the next time around. Ugh. It all sounds like garbage, though, doesn’t it? Let’s face it – cheating (or some other act of betrayal) is a selfish, deceptive, sometimes shocking event. The problem? A lot of cheating victims are adamant that their situation is different. In their eyes, it was more selfish, more deceptive and more shocking than whatever it is that you, or anyone else, has ever gone through. Naturally, these issues are dealt with accordingly – bouts of irrationality, anger toward a person who’s no longer paying attention to them, and binge drinking – or what I refer to as my mid-20s. Then there’s group two. The ‘Ugh, There’s Literally No One Out There’ Crowd: These are the perpetually jaded ones who believe that, in a world of 7 billion people, there’s literally no one out there who is worth dating. “Trust me,” they’ll say, “I’ve been on so many dates and none of them ever work. But it’s fine; I’m just gonna worry about me. I’m so not even mad.” Don’t get me wrong – I get the idea that finding one great person can feel like a daunting task. But what’s the real reason you never make it beyond a first or second date? Time and again, it seems the answer has more to do with your mindset and expectations toward dating than a poor crop of talent. Some people just aren’t ready for the amount of vulnerability, time and commitment that a relationship might require, or they’re just not feeling you, and that’s fine. But if it really is about your belief that there aren’t any good candidates, I have to ask – is that a bigger statement about the quality of ‘other people,’ or you? Suffice it to say that if you’re ditching and discounting people based on superficial qualities – too short, not enough income, five pounds overweight – it might be time to call timeout and start looking at you instead. This is also a condition I’ve come to refer to as my late 20s. Oh, and who could forget group three? The ‘Trust Me, I Don’t Even Want a Relationship’ Crowd: You know these folks; the party girls and the party guys. The ones YOLO-ing* and Instagramming pictures of expensive liquor bottles among friends doing the duck face. (*NOTE: YOLO, which is an acronym for You Only Live Once, can loosely be traced in popularity to the song “Motto” by Drake and Rick Ross. You’re welcome, mom.) The party folks often believe that dating someone exclusively means being tied down to a slave master of the opposite sex whose explicit mission is to remove all fun and joy from their life. So they head in the opposite direction. Guys revel in stories of “dude, I was so screwed up last night! I almost got arrested!” and girls revel in stories of “OMG, we ended up in VIP and met (insert D list celebrity name here). It was so amazing!” Yet, they’re not really happy about being single, either. In fact, many of them are compensating for loneliness, one Lo-Fi or Hefe filter at a time, removing the harsh lights of reality and creating the illusion of satisfaction in a party life. And if you doubt that, wait until they do find love and see how quickly they remove themselves from the party scene. I’ve come to refer to this phase as my early 20s. Look, if this all seems a bit on the negative side, then great – because I find it to be a great vehicle for my sarcasm. But it always comes with some honesty, too. As I mentioned, I was each of these three people at some point in my life, and I’m sure there are others I’m leaving out. Where has that left me? In my early 30s, armed with assurance that when I was playing each of those parts, I still ended up where I started – knowing that somehow, someway, an authentic, loving relationship was the ultimate goal for my love life (if you could call it that). And in a case-by-case scenario, I can walk you through my own experiences to show you how I arrived to where I am now. My ‘Woah is Me’ Moment: I got cheated on half-way through my Master’s program by a girl whom I was convinced was “the one.” After all, I had given her the best three months of my life, which had spanned 24 years at that point (sarcasm, sarcasm!). And at that pinnacle moment, I was just a week away from flying her home to meet my family in upstate New York. That is, until she hooked up with some guy on a trip to Mexico and I cried my freaking eyes out for three days like I was the girl in a chick flick stoically, confidently told her that I wished her luck in finding someone who was a better catch than I was. And yes, I acted like I was the first person it had ever happened to. The truth, though, was that it was just the first time it had happened to me. And, it was by a girl I’d fallen hard for. Now, I’m not suggesting that just because it had happened...