Hartley The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness

1. Auflage 2014
ISBN: 978-1-78094-389-3
Verlag: Hesperus Press Ltd.
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 6 - ePub Watermark

E-Book, Englisch, 256 Seiten

Gentlemen - make sure your conduct is up to scratch! From advice on how to treat ladies, how to behave at a party and rules for travelling abroad, this handy nineteenth century guidebook will provide entertaining nuggets of wisdom. Ever wondered what to do in polite society if you find an insect in your food? Or how a gentleman should ask a lady to dance? And what on earth is the etiquette for smoking cigars? First published in 1860, Cecil B. Hartley's classic guide to gentlemanly behaviour is a veritable mine of information and indispensable advice for aspiring gentlemen. No matter if a man finds himself at a party, meeting someone new or travelling abroad, he has but to leaf through this book to learn how best to behave, and indeed how not to behave. And if he can find time between his numerous invitations to balls and hunting parties, he could benefit from a perusal of the sections on gentlemanly deportment and conversational technique. Not forgetting, of course, the all-important advice on how to treat ladies, surely an integral part of any true gentleman's training. Published here in a stunning edition alongside The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, this is the perfect gift for the would-be gentleman in your life. While it's an excellent volume for dipping into for hilarious nuggets of outdated advice, this guide also contains advice on all manner of topics, from beard-keeping to chivalry, that are just as relevant today as they were in Cecil B. Hartley's time. As he says himself: 'Once a gentleman always a gentleman' and be sure that you can so carry out the rule, that in your most careless, joyous moments, when freest from the restraints of etiquette, you can still be recognizable as a gentleman by every act, word, or look.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Hartley, Cecil B.

Leseproben

CHAPTER I

ONE of the first rules for a guide in polite conversation, is to avoid political or religious discussions in general society. Such discussions lead almost invariably to irritating differences of opinion, often to open quarrels, and a coolness of feeling which might have been avoided by dropping the distasteful subject as soon as marked differences of opinion arose. It is but one out of many that can discuss either political or religious differences, with candour and judgement, and yet so far control his language and temper as to avoid either giving or taking offence.

IN their place, in circles which have met for such discussions, in a conversation, in a small party of gentlemen where each is ready courteously to listen to the others, politics may be discussed with perfect propriety, but in the drawing room, at the dinner-table, or in the society of ladies, these topics are best avoided.

IF you are drawn into such a discussion without intending to be so, be careful that your individual opinion does not lead you into language and actions unbecoming a gentleman. Listen courteously to those whose opinions do not agree with yours, and A man in a passion ceases to be a gentleman.

EVEN if convinced that your opponent is utterly wrong, yield gracefully, decline further discussion, or dextrously turn the conversation, but do not obstinately defend your own opinion until you become angry, or more excited than is becoming to a gentleman.

MANY there are who, giving their opinion, not as an but as a , will defend their position by such phrases, as – ‘Well, if were president, or governor, I would,’ etc. – and while by the warmth of their argument they prove that they are utterly unable to govern their own temper, they will endeavour to persuade you that they are perfectly competent to take charge of the government of the nation.

RETAIN, if you will, a fixed political opinion, yet do not parade it upon all occasions, and, above all, do not endeavour to others to agree with you. Listen calmly to their ideas upon the same subjects, and if you cannot agree, differ politely, and while your opponent may set you down as a bad politician, let him be obliged to admit that you are a

WIT and vivacity are two highly important ingredients in the conversation of a man in polite society, yet a straining for effect, or forced wit, is in excessively bad taste. There is no one more insupportable in society than the everlasting talkers who scatter puns, witticisms, and jokes with so profuse a hand that they become as tiresome as a comic newspaper, and whose loud laugh at their own wit drowns other voices which might speak matter more interesting. The really witty man does not shower forth his wit so indiscriminately; his charm consists in wielding his powerful weapon delicately and easily, and making each highly polished witticism come in the right place and moment to be effectual. While real wit is a most delightful gift, and its use a most charming accomplishment, it is, like many other bright weapons, dangerous to use too often. You may wound where you meant only to amuse, and remarks which you mean only in for general applications, may be construed into personal affronts, so, if you have the gift, use it wisely, and not too freely.

THE most important requisite for a good conversational power is education, and, by this is meant, not merely the matter you may store in your memory from observation or books, though this is of vast importance, but it also includes the developing of the mental powers, and, above all, the comprehension.

‘IN the present day an acquaintance with art, even if you have no love for it, is a of good society. Music and painting are subjects which will be discussed in every direction around you. It is only in bad society that people go to the opera, concerts, and art exhibitions merely because it is the fashion, or to say they have been there; and if you confessed to such a weakness in really good society, you would be justly voted a puppy. For this, too, some book knowledge is indispensable. You should at least know the names of the more celebrated artists, composers, architects, sculptors, and so forth, and should be able to approximate their several schools.’

‘PRECISION and accuracy must begin in the very outset; and if we neglect them in grammar, we shall scarcely acquire them in expressing our thoughts. But since there is no society without interchange of thought, and since the best society is that in which the best thoughts are interchanged in the best and most comprehensible manner, it follows that a proper mode of expressing ourselves is indispensable in good society.’

‘THE art of expressing one’s thoughts neatly and suitably is one which, in the neglect of rhetoric as a study, we must practise for ourselves. The commonest thought well put is more useful in a social point of view, than the most brilliant idea jumbled out. What is well expressed is easily seized, and therefore readily responded to; the most poetic fancy may be lost to the hearer, if the language which conveys it is obscure. Speech is the gift which distinguishes man from animals, and makes society possible. He has but a poor appreciation of his high privilege as a human being, who neglects to cultivate, “God’s great gift of speech”.’

‘AS I am not writing for men of genius, but for ordinary beings, I am right to state that an indispensable part of education is a knowledge of the literature of the English language. But to read, is, for society more important than we read. The man who takes up nothing but a newspaper, but reads it to , to deduct conclusions from its premises, and form a judgement on its opinions, is more fitted for society than he, who having all the current literature and devoting his whole time to its perusal, swallows it all without digestion. In fact, the mind must be treated like the body, and however great its appetite, it will soon fall into bad health if it gorges, but does not ruminate. At the same time an acquaintance with the best current literature is necessary to modern society, and it is not sufficient to have read a book without being able to pass a judgement upon it. Conversation on literature is impossible, when your respondent can only say, “Yes. I like the book, but I really don’t know why.”’

‘AN acquaintance with old English literature is not perhaps indispensable, but it gives a man great advantage in all kinds of society, and in some he is at a constant loss without it. The same may be said of foreign literature, which in the present day is almost as much discussed as our own; but, on the other hand, an acquaintance with home and foreign politics, with current history, and subjects of passing interest, is absolutely necessary; and a person of sufficient intelligence to join in good society, cannot dispense with his daily newspaper, his literary journal, and the principal reviews and magazines. The cheapness of every kind of literature, the facilities of our well-stored circulating libraries, our public reading rooms, and numerous excellent lectures on every possible subject, leave no excuse to poor or rich for an ignorance of any of the topics discussed in intellectual society. You may forget your Latin, Greek, French, German, and Mathematics, but if you frequent good company, you will never be allowed to forget that you are a citizen of the world.’

A MAN of real intelligence and cultivated mind, is generally modest. He may feel when in everyday society, that in intellectual acquirements he is above those around him; but he will not seek to make his companions feel their inferiority, nor try to display this advantage over them. He will discuss with frank simplicity the topics started by others, and endeavour to avoid starting such as they will not feel inclined to discuss. All that he says will be marked by politeness and deference to the feelings and opinions of others.

LA Bruyere says, ‘The great charm of conversation consists less in the display of one’s own wit and intelligence, than in the power to draw forth the resources of others; he who leaves you after a long conversation, pleased with himself and the part he has taken in the discourse, will be your warmest admirer. Men do not care to admire you, they wish you to be pleased with them; they do not seek for instruction or even amusement from your discourse, but they do wish you to be made acquainted with their talents and powers of conversation; and the true man of genius will delicately make all who come in contact with him, feel the exquisite satisfaction of knowing that they have appeared to advantage.’

HAVING admitted the above to be an incontestable fact, you will also see that it is as great an accomplishment to listen with an air of interest and attention, as it is to speak...