Hartley The Ladies Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness

1. Auflage 2014
ISBN: 978-1-78094-386-2
Verlag: Hesperus Press Ltd.
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: 6 - ePub Watermark

E-Book, Englisch, 256 Seiten

If the correct rules of etiquette fail you, never fear for this handy guide will instruct you in the correct ladylike manner! This indispensable nineteenth century guidebook will entertain, educate and inspire in equal measure. What should you do if you notice a stranger's dress is tucked up at the back? What are you meant to say if you are offered food you don't like at a dinner party? And what ought you to wear if you're invited to a ball? If these questions baffle you, fear not! For help is at hand in the form of The Ladies' Book of Etiquette. Florence Hartley's insightful etiquette guide was first published in 1860, and yet her witty and useful advice on behaving like a lady often still rings true down the ages. You don't need to live in the nineteenth century to agree with Hartley that it is rude to finish someone else's jokes. Whatever the situation, whether the reader would like to know how to be as ladylike as possible when seasick or the best colour schemes for bridesmaids' dresses, this thorough and wide-ranging book will provide sensible and succinct guidance, as well as shed light into life in the nineteenth century. Did you know that apparently you could spot a lady who had laced her corset too tightly from the lack of circulation making her nose go red?! Published alongside The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette, this is the perfect gift for that special someone in your life, or as a treat to yourself as you aspire to set step on the path towards becoming a lady! Let every action, while it is finished in strict accordance with etiquette, be, at the same time, easy, as if dictated solely by the heart. To be truly polite, remember you must be polite at all times, and under all circumstances.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Hartley, Florence

Leseproben

CHAPTER I

THE art of conversation consists in the exercise of two fine qualities. You must originate, and you must sympathise; you must possess at the same time the habit of communicating and of listening attentively. The union is rare but irresistible. None but an excessively ill-bred person will allow her attention to wander from the person with whom she is conversing; and especially she will never, while seeming to be entirely attentive to her companion, answer a remark or question made to another person, in another group. Unless the conversation be general among a party of friends, confine your remarks and attention entirely to the person with whom you are conversing. Steele says, ‘I would establish but one great general rule in conversation, which is this – that people should not talk to please themselves, but those who hear them. This would make them consider whether what they speak be worth hearing; whether there be either wit or sense in what they are about to say; and whether it be adapted to the time when, the place where, and the person to whom, it is spoken.’

BE careful in conversation to avoid topics which may be supposed to have any direct reference to events or circumstances which may be painful for your companion to hear discussed; you may unintentionally start a subject which annoys or troubles the friend with whom you may be conversing; in that case, do not stop abruptly, when you perceive that it causes pain, and, above all, do not make the matter worse by apologising; turn to another subject as soon as possible, and pay no attention to the agitation your unfortunate remark may have excited. Many persons will, for the sake of appearing witty or smart, wound the feelings of another deeply; avoid this; it is not only ill-bred, but cruel.

REMEMBER that having all the talk sustained by one person is not conversation; do not engross all the attention yourself, by refusing to allow another person an opportunity to speak, and also avoid the other extreme of total silence, or answering only in monosyllables.

IF your companion relates an incident or tells a story, be very careful not to interrupt her by questions, even if you do not clearly understand her; wait until she has finished her relation, and then ask any questions you may desire. There is nothing more annoying than to be so interrupted. I have heard a story told to an impertinent listener, which ran in this way:

‘I saw a fearful sight –’

‘When?’

‘I was about to tell you; last Monday, on the train –’

‘What train?’

‘The train from B–. We were near the bridge –’

‘What bridge?’

‘I will tell you all about it, if you will only let me speak. I was coming from B–’

‘Last Monday, did you say?’ and so on. The story was interrupted at every sentence, and the relator condemned as a most tedious storyteller, when, had he been permitted to go forward, he would have made the incident interesting and short.

NEVER interrupt anyone who is speaking. It is very ill-bred. If you see that a person to whom you wish to speak is being addressed by another person, never speak until she has heard and replied; until her conversation with that person is finished. No truly polite lady ever breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another speaker.

NEVER, in speaking to a married lady, enquire for her , or, if a gentleman, ask for his . The elegant way is to call the absent party by their name; ask Mr Smith how Mrs Smith is, or enquire of Mrs Jones for Mr Jones, but never for ‘your husband’ or ‘your wife’. On the other hand, if you are married, never speak of your husband as your ‘lord’, ‘husband’, or ‘good man’, avoid, also, unless amongst relatives, calling him by his Christian name. If you wish others to respect him, show by speaking of him in respectful terms that you do so yourself. If either your own husband or your friend’s is in the army or navy, or can claim the Dr, Prof., or any other prefix to his name, there is no impropriety in speaking of him as the colonel, doctor, or whatever his title may be.

IT is a mark of ill-breeding to use French phrases or words, unless you are sure your companion is a French scholar, and, even then, it is best to avoid them. Above all, do not use any foreign word or phrase, unless you have the language perfectly at your command. I heard a lady once use a Spanish quotation; she had mastered that one sentence alone; but a Cuban gentleman, delighted to meet an American who could converse with him in his own tongue, immediately addressed her in Spanish. Embarrassed and ashamed, she was obliged to confess that her knowledge of the language was confined to one quotation.

NEVER anticipate the point or joke of any anecdote told in your presence. If have heard the story before, it may be new to others, and the narrator should always be allowed to finish it in his own words. To take any sentence from the mouth of another person, before he has time to utter it, is the height of ill-breeding. Avoid it carefully.

NEVER use the phrases, ‘What-d-ye call it’, ‘Thingummy’, ‘What’s his name’, or any such substitutes for a proper name or place. If you cannot recall the names you wish to use, it is better not to tell the story or incident connected with them. No lady of high breeding will ever use these substitutes in conversation.

BE careful always to speak in a distinct, clear voice; at the same time avoid talking too loudly, there is a happy medium between mumbling and screaming. Strive to attain it.

OVERLOOK the deficiencies of others when conversing with them, as they may be the results of ignorance, and impossible to correct. Never pain another person by correcting, before others, a word or phrase mispronounced or ungrammatically constructed. If your intimacy will allow it, speak of the fault upon another occasion, kindly and privately, or let it pass. Do not be continually watching for faults, that you may display your own superior wisdom in correcting them. Let modesty and kind feeling govern your conversation, as other rules of life. If, on the other hand, your companion uses words or expressions which you cannot understand, do not affect knowledge, or be ashamed of your ignorance, but frankly ask for an explanation.

IN conversing with professional gentlemen, never question them upon matters connected with their employment. An author may communicate, voluntarily, information interesting to you, upon the subject of his works, but any questions from you would be extremely rude. If you meet a physician who is attending a friend, you may enquire for their progress, but do not expect him to give you a detailed account of the disease and his manner of treating it. The same rule applies to questioning lawyers about their clients, artists on their paintings, merchants or mechanics of their several branches of business. Professional or businessmen, when with ladies, generally wish for miscellaneous subjects of conversation, and, as their visits are for recreation, they will feel excessively annoyed if obliged to ‘talk shop’. Still many men can converse on no other subject than their everyday employment. In this case listen politely, and show your interest. You will probably gain useful information in such conversation.

NEVER question the veracity of any statement made in general conversation. If you are certain a statement is false, and it is injurious to another person, who may be absent, you may quietly and courteously inform the speaker that he is mistaken, but if the falsehood is of no consequence, let it pass. If a statement appears monstrous, but you do not that it is false, listen, but do not question its veracity. It may be true, though it strikes you as improbable.

Never attempt to disparage an absent friend. It is the height of meanness. If others admire her, and you do not, let them have their opinion in peace; you will probably fail if you try to lower her in their esteem, and gain for yourself the character of an ill-natured, envious person.

IN conversing with foreigners, if they speak slightingly of the manners of your country, do not retort rudely, or resentfully. If their views are wrong, converse upon the subject, giving them frankly your views, but never retaliate by telling them that some custom of their own country is worse. A gentleman or lady of true refinement will always give your words candid consideration, and admit that an American may possibly know the customs of her country better than they do, and if your opponent is not well bred, your rudeness will not improve his manners. Let the conversation upon national subjects be candid, and at the same time courteous, and leave him to think that the in America are well bred, however much he may dislike some little national peculiarity.

AVOID, at all times, mentioning subjects or incidents that can in any way disgust your hearers. Many persons will enter into the details of...