Kelly Seven Levels of Intimacy

The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved
1. Auflage 2015
ISBN: 978-1-942611-27-1
Verlag: Beacon Publishing
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)

E-Book, Englisch, 269 Seiten

We all crave intimacy! We all yearn for intimacy, but we avoid it. We want it badly, but we often run from it. At some deep level, we sense that we have a profound need for intimacy, but we are afraid to go there. Why? We avoid intimacy because having intimacy means exposing our secrets. Being intimate means sharing the secrets of our hearts, minds, and souls with another fragile and imperfect human being. Intimacy requires that we allow another person to discover what moves us, what inspires us, what drives us, what eats at us, what we are running toward, what we are running from, what self-destructive enemies lie within us, and what wild and wonderful dreams we hold in our hearts. In The Seven Levels of Intimacy, Matthew Kelly teaches us in practical and unforgettable ways how to know these things about ourselves and how to share ourselves more deeply with the people we love. This book will change the way you approach your relationships forever! This book is a brilliant and practical guide to creating and sustaining intimacy, whether you are looking for a deeper sense of connection with your spouse, looking for more fulfillment in your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, trying to improve your relationships with your children, or simply wondering what you should be looking for in a partner. With profound insight and the use of powerful, everyday examples, Matthew Kelly explains how we can nurture intimacy in our relationships. The Seven Levels of Intimacy redefines how we view our interactions with others. This new understanding leads us to successfully create the strong connections, deep joy, and lasting bonds that we all long for. Matthew Kelly is an author, a world-renowned speaker, and a business consultant to some of the world's most admired companies, Matthew Kelly has dedicated his life to helping people and organizations become the-best-version-of-themselves.

Autoren/Hrsg.

Kelly, Matthew

Leseproben

CHAPTER TWO COMMON INTERESTS ARE NOT ENOUGH OUR INTERESTS CHANGE Common interests aren’t enough to create a dynamic relationship. They can be a part of one, certainly, but they don’t guarantee the success of a relationship. Interests change. People lose interest in different things, and if the strongest bond you have with a person is your common interests, he or she might lose interest in you when his or her interests change. Every day relationships break down and people break up. Some people end relationships because they don’t feel fulfilled. Others break up when they are not growing. Some break up when they are challenged to grow and don’t want to change. Others meet someone else who at that moment seems more appealing for any number of reasons. Some people end a relationship because they simply get bored. And some break up for reasons that they are either unaware of or stunningly unable to articulate. Too often we spend too much time asking or wondering why it didn’t work out. Why do friendships end? Why do people break up? These are great questions, but surely the more important question is, What keeps people together? And not just together, but together in dynamic relationships. For the primary goal of relationships is not simply to stay together. Many people succeed in staying together but have failed relationships: their relationships are surviving but not thriving. Common interests are not enough to build a great relationship on. You may enjoy hiking together or traveling together, biking together or listening to live music together. You may share a love of movies, museums, art, animals, or any number of interests that can draw people together. But it is a mistake to think that these provide a solid foundation for a long-term relationship. In fact, common interests can very often turn out to be a false foundation, creating the illusion of a deeper relationship than was actually present. Common interests quite simply are not enough to build a dynamic long-term relationship upon. You need a common purpose. If we are going to further our understanding of relationships, questions such as, Why do people break up? and What keeps people together? are great questions. But it is pointless to try to experience the deeper realities of relationship unless we are willing to start with the most fundamental question: What is the meaning and purpose of relationship? Any attempt to improve our understanding and deepen our experience of relationship without first thoroughly examining this question is an exercise in futility of monumental proportions. What keeps people together in dynamic relationships? A common purpose. Why do people break up? Because they have no sense of common purpose; or they lose sight of their common purpose; or their common purpose becomes unimportant to them. So in order to create extraordinary relationships we have to develop a common understanding of a shared purpose. But before we can understand the purpose of our relationships, we must first understand our purpose as individuals. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? What is the meaning of life? What are we here for? What is the purpose of our existence? Modern popular culture proclaims directly and indirectly every day that life is merely a pleasure-seeking exercise. “If it feels good, do it” seems to be the credo. It is this same voice of popular culture that creates the confusion between sex and intimacy, between common interests and a dynamic relationship, and that perpetuates a thousand other myths and illusions that lead men and woman ever deeper into the despair of purposelessness. There is nothing more depressing than not knowing your purpose. Our essential purpose is to become the-best-version-of-ourselves. This one principle will bring more clarity to your life than all you have ever learned put together—and, more than that, it will help you to live and celebrate all the great wisdom you have learned in your journey so far. Everything makes sense in relation to our essential purpose. What makes a good friend? Well, take a blank piece of paper and jot down a list of your friends. Now go through the list and place a check next to the names of those who are helping you become the-best-version-of-yourself! Now go back through that list and place a check next to the names of the people whom you are helping to become the-best-version-of-themselves, because that’s what makes you a good friend. What makes a good movie? Is it one that has a lot of action or a cast of Hollywood icons and celebrities? No. A good movie is one that you walk out of saying to yourself, “That movie inspired me to want to be all I can be.” What makes a good book? Is it one that has a great cover or has an interesting story line, or that is on the best-seller list? No. A good book is one that you finish thinking, “That book inspired me to become the-best-version-of-myself.” (Create your own best-seller list of books that can help you achieve your essential purpose. Share the list with your friends.) Why do we go to work? Is it just to make money? Certainly, at times, we look at work this way, but once we discover our essential purpose we begin to see that making money is the secondary value of work. The primary value of work is that when we work hard and well, paying attention to the details of our work, we develop character. Work is just another opportunity to achieve our essential purpose. Through any honest work, we have the opportunity to develop virtue, the building blocks of the-best-version-of-ourselves. What is the meaning and purpose of marriage? Is marriage just two people living together and paying the bills together? No. The meaning and purpose of marriage is for two people to challenge and encourage each other to become the-best-version-of-themselves, and then to raise their children and educate them to become the-best-version-of-themselves. Why is the human spirit so energized by sports? The reason is that sports are a microcosm of the human experience; they are an opportunity to have other human beings challenge us to change, to grow, to improve ourselves, and to explore our potential. We love to participate in sports and we love watching others participate, because in sports we see the human drama unfolding before us. And that drama is the quest to better ourselves, to stretch beyond our limitations, to become the-best-version-of-ourselves—to achieve our essential purpose. When I look at stadiums filled with thousands of people watching baseball, football, and basketball, I see whole generations yearning for something they have lost—their essential purpose. Devotees may argue that one sport is inherently superior to another. I prefer to think of all sports as a chance for us to have other human beings push us to excel, and in this they are all equal. What makes a good meal? Is it just the foods you have been craving all day? No. A good meal is one that helps you become the-best-version-of-yourself. What is good music? Music that inspires you to become the-best-version-of-yourself is good music. Everything makes sense in relation to our essential purpose. And everything should be embraced or rejected according to how it affects our essential purpose. The things that help us become the-best-version-of-ourselves should be embraced and celebrated. Those things that stop us from becoming our best selves should be avoided and rejected. Life is choices. In every moment the only question we need to ask ourselves is, Which of the options before me will help me become the-best-version-of-myself? This one question summarizes a worldview, a philosophy of life, and provides the ultimate decision-making tool. In a world where so little makes sense, understanding our essential purpose makes sense of everything. In a world of clutter and confusion, understanding our essential purpose brings a startling clarity to the moments of our everyday lives. In a world filled with experts and their contradictory theories, understanding our essential purpose helps us to listen once again to the quiet voice within. Modern popular culture is very skeptical of, even cynical about, the idea that our existence might have some common and universal meaning. The phrase “the meaning of life” has almost become a negative cliché and is used tongue-in-cheek more often than it is to imply serious examination of the purpose of our existence. But without a clear understanding of our essential purpose, our lives become aimless, rootless, and adrift. Your essential purpose is to become the-best-version-of-yourself. Plant that one idea at the center of your life. Base every decision upon your essential purpose. Make every choice with your essential purpose in mind. Place this one idea at the center of your inner dialogue and you will very quickly understand why ideas change the world. Everything makes sense in relation to our essential purpose, especially relationships. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF A RELATIONSHIP? Relationships only make sense in relation to the overall purpose of your life. If we are unable to establish this essential purpose for our lives, then we will find it very difficult to bring focus to our relationships. But now that we have established our essential purpose, it is much easier to understand the meaning and purpose of our relationships. The purpose of relationships is for you to help others become the-best-version-of-themselves, and for others to help you become the best-version-of-yourself. Every relationship, however formal or casual, long lasting or fleeting, is an opportunity for the people involved to further their...