The Preacher's DILEMMA PART 1
E-Book, Englisch, 112 Seiten
ISBN: 978-0-578-74821-4
Verlag: BookBaby
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)
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TWO 14 hours: 49:00 Fourteen years ago today, I am yet to hide the secret letter from my wife, Mother Gracie, and my only friend Billy. I am sorry, but I needed to clear my head because of the blackmailer’s latest letter. He threatens to kidnap my daughters if I fail to precisely follow his upcoming letter’s directions. This guy is crazy as hell if he thinks that I would allow him to harm my babies! God blessed us with two sets of identical girls, born only a year apart. We had a time trying to raise them through grade school, so we hired two nurses and Mother Gracie with bodyguards to protect them. The girls are named after our favorite vacation spot: Italy Ana and Italian Ana and our great grandmother’s names were Abbie Gail and Addie Gail. They are extremely loved by everyone who meets them for they are poster girls for many humanitarian corporations, fundraising money for hunger and poverty-stricken children around the world. Last year alone their missions rose over one hundred million dollars for nations like India, in Africa, and China. When I received that horrific letter, I panicked and called my babies. Unable to function, I left the television office in Manhattan and called my daughters to ensure their safety. They were with their mother and four ex-CIA agents and five private bodyguards in Albany, New York, shopping at their favorite malls. Great, I thought, they were safe for now and I can deal with the problem by flying away to my place of sanctuary. Accordingly, I boarded my private jet with George, my pilot, and my dog Chip to get away. Upon arriving in Italy, I emailed my personal assistant Ms. Kandi Anderson to cancel all my upcoming appointments because I was taking an extended vacation. Truly, I didn’t think it through because Misty and the girls would have been devastated at my selfish act of suicide, but I was inadvertently protecting them from the blackmailer. Even so, it was a bad idea, but who could stop me? This time I was serious. I stayed at our vacation villa in Florence, Italy, to kill myself. While contemplating suicide in my wife’s new Bentley, something extraordinary happened. I discerned my death. It was literally HELL ON WHEELS! My Lord, it was devastating and frightened the HELL right out of me! Earnestly, I will never forget the feeling of sheer panic that struck me like lightning bolts, striking and twisting deep down in my soul. An enormous sharp pain began crashing into my chest that hit me like a runaway freight train crashing from side to side in downtown Manhattan during rush-hour traffic and its final destination was me! Oh my God, I thought. No time to pray and in an instant, it was over and like the wind I was GONE! For the first time in my life, I stood scared to death of dying, yet longing to die. It was inconceivable of me, but I immediately changed my mind about suicide and began to sob uncontrollably to God for help. For the first time in my life, I took a good look inwards to the mirror of my soul and hated what I saw, a great pretender. The man in the mirror appeared filthy, nasty, naked, and ruined. Oh Lord, I thought, something must change because I cannot continue living a lie. Life had forced me to perform an immediate self-examination which revealed a hypocritical lifestyle. Something that I have always despised is a hypocrite, especially in God’s ordained leadership. As a hypocrite you play, acting like your pretend roles are true but are not. That is exactly what I had been doing for the last fourteen years of my ministry, pretending to know the way, the truth, the light, and worse of all pretending to walk therein. This action appears unscrupulous of me because I am a mega-preacher leading millions of souls to Heaven. I must say I did a surprisingly good job at acting. In fact, not to toot my own horn, but I should have received an Academy Award for such a great performance. Folks come to me for spiritual counseling and with my many heavenly talents (the gifts of discernment, prophecy, evangelism, healing, miracle work, and more) and seminary training, I guide their lives righteously back on track to God. It is ironic, though, a week ago a man was committing adultery on his wife of thirty years and wanted me, not his wife, of all people to forgive him and beg his wife not to divorce him. Like a good pastor, I interceded and saved the marriage, so it appeared. But one week later the wife killed herself from a broken heart. Her actions threw everyone for a loop, and I wondered what I did wrong. However, I later discovered the truth. Apparently, the wife executed herself because I supported her husband by pleading forgiveness. She wanted the church to agree to a divorce because her husband had been cheating and beating her for twenty-one years. She was sick of the infidelity, the physical abuse, and her church leaders counseling her into forgiving her spouse. With that in mind, I began to wonder if I was wrong for asking her to forgive her husband or if there was something more to the story. Had she suffered from something like manic depression or demonic oppression? Times have changed. People are now being diagnosed with mental diseases and illnesses, not demonic possession. Nowadays demon spirits have sophisticated names like Attention Deficit Disorder, Anti-Social Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder, and the list goes on and on, unlike the days of old when you would ask the demon their name and “cast the snake out”! That is exactly what Jesus did with the demons called Legion, for they were many, ripping that poor man’s body into pieces while keeping him stark-naked, running footloose in a cemetery. What a horrific experience that ended well because Jesus set him free. Unlike Sister Kassie, she did not allow me or Jesus to help her because she killed herself after assuring me that forgiveness was the only righteous way to save her marriage. It is in times like these that I want to throw in the towel or kick the bucket. Now I must live with her death, a bloodstain on my hands for the rest of my life. It is not fair! If that was not punishment enough, facing her children is extremely difficult. I want out! However, I am not allowed out. How can I quit God? He knows and sees everything. My problem is simple, God’s calling for my life’s work is the root of my misery. Folks need to realize that I am just a man, a chosen vessel, but I am not Jesus. But you cannot tell your followers that because they see you as God. I am supposed to move mountains, part seas, and have solutions to all their problems. What? Can you believe them? It’s unbelievable! They have some nerves. What about my life? Who is there for me? It certainly is not them. When I have a problem in my life there is no one that I could effectively communicate with and feel comfortable and confident that my inner thoughts and secret sins would be kept private, respected, and not judged. On several occasions I tried discussing my difficulties with other men and women of the cloth and got shot down like a wild pig—they are so judgmental. According to them, it is always all my fault for allowing Satan to bewitch me into backsliding and not fasting or praying enough. They never received me in a non-condemning atmosphere. It was pointless conversing with them, so I quit. Life has been as lonely for me as a man of the cloth. I sometimes regret taking the job. On several occasions, I tried to run from my calling, but Father (as a holy and devout clergyman) stood firm about my virtuous life in God. He always steered me back on track and for his honor I reluctantly carried out God’s duties. Nevertheless, how can I refuse God? Just ask Brother Jonah about that. Jonah refused God’s calling and lied to God by pretending to carryout God’s assignment to go and preach to a horrible city but took a ship out in a different direction and his deceitful ways landed him in the belly of the whale. Heck, I am not interested in living in any whale’s belly, not for one day. Therefore, here I am seeking God's help in this muddle. I need help with my life, family, and ministry. Unfortunately, there is no one to guide me any longer. My Father and best friend just died. It is so lonely being a shepherd. Sometimes I feel like giving up, to stop fighting Satan and let him devour my soul because something must be better than being alone. Loneliness sucks! God said in the Book of Genesis when He made Adam that, “it is not good for man to be alone.” Yet preachers are alone every day, set upon pedestals and held to unrealistic oaths that only Jesus could live up to. Many people believe that preachers are God. For instance, they would go to their pastor and ask him to ask God for unrealistic goals, blessings, or miracles, but fail to realize that it is certain principles that God requires of them. In His Word, God says if you do this then I will do that. The premise must be met first or you have no contract with Him for the conditions of the promise to be revealed. First one must be a true believer with a right, repenting heart, a clean and sanctified lifestyle, and perhaps fasting and praying as well. King David was the apple of God’s eye because David sincerely...
