Cautionary Tales for Adult Caregivers and Caretakers of Parents and Spouses
E-Book, Englisch, 200 Seiten
ISBN: 978-1-941870-75-4
Verlag: Indie Books International
Format: EPUB
Kopierschutz: Adobe DRM (»Systemvoraussetzungen)
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CHAPTER 1 Debunking the Shady Acres Myth What is the Shady Acres myth? Let’s separate fact from fiction. There is a common misconception of an eldercare Shangri-La, a lovely place to take Mom for her declining golden years. With a little searching, the children or spouse will find a healthy, comfortable, and mostly government-paid-for idyllic home, complete with rocking chairs and lemonade. “Won’t Dad just love it here!” All will be taken care of and the children or spouse will be relieved of messy caregiver and caretaker decisions and wrangling. Caregivers and caretakers faced with challenges of eldercare quickly discover the United States is in crisis. With life expectancy rising and seventy-seven million baby boomers entering retirement age, middle-income American seniors and their family caretakers are facing enormous challenges. They look in vain for their Shady Acres. Sorry to say, Shady Acres does not exist. Even if it did, you probably could not afford it. Most middle-income Americans are unaware of the crucial fact that the government does not generally cover long-term-care expenses. This can be distressing for the six million Americans age eighty-five and older, a number that will shoot up to more than fourteen million in 2040, according to the U.S. Census. If a spouse needs long-term care, that is one thing, but if the care is left to one or more of the children, then that can be a sticky situation. There is no simple solution for the sandwich generation that is taking care of children and parents. As writer Jennifer Braunschweiger noted on the More website (http://www.more.com/eldercare): “There’s no prenup for eldercare, no contract in which we lay out clearly what tasks we are willing to do, how much time and money we are willing to spend and what responsibilities, if any, lie beyond the scope of the agreement.” THRUST INTO THE ROLE OF FIDUCIARY This book is for the caregivers and caretakers who are often thrust into the role of fiduciary, either by legal appointment or by assuming the role because of their relationship to the elderly person who needs caretaking. Typically, this is a close relative, like a parent. This is a guide to help those facing eldercare issues, such as spending other people’s money even if it is on the elderly person, making medical and legal decisions for the elderly person, and the implications of substituted judgement (the standard to be used by surrogate decision makers who have specific knowledge of the elderly persons values and wishes pertaining to health care and other choices). Eldercare also includes dealing with myriad unexpected problems revolving around money, drugs, and even sex. All of the fiduciary’s actions should be performed for the advantage of the beneficiary. The duties of a fiduciary spelled out by laws include loyalty and reasonable care of the assets within custody. Caregivers and caretakers must not use the assets of the elderly person for their own gain. This is more than a moral responsibility; this is a legal obligation. Here is a job description for fiduciary: Caregivers need to know about financial matters; have good communication skills and interpersonal skills; possess a great deal of patience and stamina and an understanding of human relations; and acquire a knowledge of health care terms, medical conditions, and medications, because they often need to work through family situations, crises, and life-threatening events related to their elderly persons care, which may also involve dealing with law enforcement officers and attorneys. According to legal dictionaries, the word “fiduciary” comes from the Latin word fiducia, meaning “trust”—a person who has the obligation and power to act for another (often called the beneficiary) under circumstances which require good faith, total trust, and honesty. This trusted care does not come without cost to the caregivers. Caregiving is not only hard work, it also comes with several financial burdens. These include disruptions to employment, extra costs while caregiving, and even a toll on the health of the caregiver. Here is a look at the three main challenges: •Disruptions to Your Employment. Caregiving takes time. Caregivers often have to use work time to handle caregiving responsibilities. Typically, there will be emergency interruptions that must be dealt with that interfere with work duties. An unexpected fall may require a fast trip to the emergency room. Caregivers naturally find they have to use up their vacation time and sick benefits to provide eldercare. There are other sacrifices, such as giving up advancement opportunities at work and the possible loss of fringe benefits. •Tapping into Your Purse and Wallet. Caregiving takes money. Eldercare is never cheap. Caregivers use more gas and other resources to care for their loved one. There are also costs for delegating tasks a person would have otherwise done for themselves if they had the time, such as lawn care. Additionally, there is the loss of wages or business income and the costs to replace lost fringe benefits. •Tolls on Your Health. Caregiving takes its toll. Not all the costs are financial. Caregiving means increased stress and burnout. The elderly with brain-related issues may exhibit agitation, angry outbursts, or inappropriate behaviors, which might include verbal or physical abuse. Dealing with that can result in spending more on stress relief, such as eating out more often and consuming more alcohol. This gets compounded by the loss of time off and vacation time. There also is the stress of constantly being on vigil (as the Navy would put it, “constantly standing your battle stations”). Often there is increased medical costs for the caregiver from stress related illnesses. An additional stressor is the proper management of the costs for the care recipient. These include the medical costs not paid for by insurance or Medicare, the legal costs for such things as power of attorney and living trust documents, and the costs of formal caregivers while the caregiver in charge is at work or sleeping. Of course, one of the largest costs for the recipient is the cost of care settings. These include adult day care, nursing homes, and assisted living facilities. MYTHS ABOUT THE ELDERLY When it comes to being forced into the role of caregiver, the situation usually begins with a tremendous lack of knowledge. Being unprepared for the role of caregiver is not unusual; people don’t know what they don’t know. The common hope is that there is an easy solution that others have found. Sadly, this is not the case. This book aims to quickly bring caregivers up to speed on a number of issues. This Shady Acres eldercare myth needs to be debunked like a lot of other myths about eldercare. Here is a quick sampling of perception and reality. •MYTH: Sickly. Forget the perception that all old people are aging, bedridden seniors who wind up in a nursing home. The elderly are living longer and healthier lives. Studies at Boston Medical Center found that in over 40 percent of seniors who lived to be 100, sickness related to old age did not occur until they were eighty. Census data from 2006 revealed that only 7.4 percent of Americans over the age of seventy-five live in nursing homes. •MYTH: Serene. Many are familiar with the term “the golden years.” referring to retirement. Actually, for many these are stressful times. In fact, suicide rates are higher for people over sixty-five than for younger people. •MYTH: Senile. No, not all of the elderly go senile, which actually has come to mean a disease of dementia. In fact, only 8 percent of those over sixty-five will develop some form of dementia, including Alzheimer’s Disease. •MYTH: Sexless. Research has found that sexual activity and enjoyment do not decrease with age. As one blogger on certifiedcare.org noted, “some adult caregivers are shocked when a seventy-five-year-old parent who’s lost a spouse starts serious dating.” •MYTH: Surly. A commonly-held belief is that all old people are surly, irritable, and cranky. As people age, there are more aches, hassles, and challenges that would frustrate anyone. But generally, if people got along well with others when they were young, they will do the same when old. But if someone was difficult to get along with when they were young, they will remain difficult to get along with as they age. •MYTH: Strapped. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, only around 9 percent of Americans sixty-five or older have incomes and assets that fall under the poverty line. Actually, older adults tend to be better about saving money and being careful about their spending. The problems develop when others, like their own children, get control of the money. But it would be foolhardy to believe that all of the elderly will be able to take care of themselves until they die. Most will need the help of caregivers and caretakers, be that a child or a spouse. That is probably why you are reading this book. WHAT ABOUT NONMEDICAL HOME CARE OR CONTINUING CARE RETIREMENT COMMUNITIES? Some elderly people are hellbent on staying home. This has spawned an entire nonmedical home care industry that is quick to sing the...
